Welcome to some very real—and really funny quotes about life!
- Sign posted in a public toilet: We aim to please! You aim too! Please!
- Label on a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
- Label on a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
On the subject of children and funny quotes about life, I have a friend in Berlin whose four-and-a-half-year-old daughter, Dharma, said to him, "Daddy, you are a child in the costume of an adult, right?"
And then there’s this, from U.S. singer Britney Spears (born 1981): - I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.
Those are some pretty funny quotes about life!
Check out this wedding video! The groom accidentally says "wawfully" instead of "lawfully." His bride cracks up so much, they have to take a break in the ceremony. I'll bet this couple will have some funny quotes about life in the future if this was their beginning!
Now read on for more funny quotes about life that actually happened—I kid you not—in the UK, on TV and radio quiz shows.
You won’t believe some of the answers the contestants gave, but I guarantee you’ll have a good laugh!
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for “cherry pickers” and “cheese mongers”? Contestant: Homosexuals. Jeremy Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.
BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is? Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point. Jamie Theakston: There's a clue in the title. Contestant: Leicester
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World? Contestant: I don't know. Stewart White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow? Contestant: Arm Stewart White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...? Contestant: Strong. Stewart White: Correct —and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name? Contestant: Louis Stewart White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World? Contestant: Frank Sinatra?
LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)
Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy? Contestant: France. Trelinski: France is another country. Try again. Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm. Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon? Contestant: Sorry, I don't know. Trelinski: Just guess a country then. Contestant: Paris.
THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what—prison or the Conservative Party? Contestant: The Conservative Party.
BEACON RADIO (Wolverhampton)
DJ Mark: For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope? Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Bamber Gascoyne: What was Gandhi's first name? Contestant: Goosey?
GWR FM (Bristol)
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963? Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC Radio Manchester)
Phil: What's 11 squared? Contestant: I don't know. Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle. Contestant: Is it five?
RICHARD AND JUDY
Richard: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman? Contestant: Forrest Gump.
LINCOLNSHIRE FM PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world? Contestant: Barcelona. Presenter: I was really after the name of a country. Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.
NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Question: What is the world's largest continent? Contestant: The Pacific.
ROCK FM (Preston)
Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci. Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
James O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry? Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... Er. Er... Three?
CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)
Chris Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna? Caller: Japan. Chris Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that I can let you try again. Caller: Er... Mexico ?
PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE)
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last? Contestant (long pause): Fourteen days.
DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels? Contestant: Holland? Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet. Contestant: Iceland? Ireland? Daryl Denham: (helpfully) It's a bad line. Did you say Israel? Contestant: No.
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Phil Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible? Contestant: Er… Phil Wood: It's got two syllables. . . Kor… Contestant: Blimey? Phil Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run. . . Contestant: (Silence) Phil Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I. . . Contestant: Walked?
Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time? Contestant: Nostalgia.
STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play? Contestant: Jesus